How to Overcome Fear & Anxiety
Welcome to Nirkh.com, I believe that fear gets way too much airplay, Mostly people don’t take action because they have too much fear or fear is holding them back and I think this is so common in our language it’s almost the point where it’s comedic. It’s ridiculous that what are they fearful of? What are they so scared of? We live in the modern world right now where there are not all these impulsive fears that are driven by a physical reality to be safe, We are not being chased by animals that are trying to kill us often.
So most of the fears that we actually have are just contemplative thoughts that we’re rerunning too often and we’re associating so much pain to that now becomes convenient “oh it’s fear” as if some fear is some big unknowable scary awful thing. Well mostly it’s not most fear is the just bad management of our own mental faculties, It’s not an impulsive physical thing generating in our brain telling us to fight flight or flee and everyone wants to use that as an excuse. We still have all these biological psychologists or people running around saying well it’s just an impulsive thing that people can’t understand or be conscious of. It’s the unconscious fears, It’s just wiping us out it’s like get over it.
Neuroscience has shown like we have much more powerful capabilities than most of us think that we do and the reality is most fear. Once you understand what it actually is, that usually is a contemplative process and once they understand what it is then it’s like “oh we can overcome it” because what is it then? I mean what is fear? what are we so scared of? what’s gonna hurt us? what is this thing that we fear is going to bring so much pain in our lives? Ever thought about what is it? what is the thing that we’re so scared of that’s gonna bring in all this pain to our lives?
I remember figuring this out for myself and when I did I wasn’t so scared anymore because sometimes you know the things once you understand them more they’re not so terrifying, when something becomes knowable you can develop competency around it, Once you can develop competency around it then you can develop confidence. There’s this old thing in psychology we call the Competence-Confidence Loop, The more you understand something the more you have confidence in that area. Same thing with anything that does happen too impulsively generate some fear in yourself. Once you understand what it is you can deal with it better because what we’re all fearing is basically three types of pain, Once we understand that we can reorient our mindset around those things and no longer be frustrated or stopped by fear.
The first thing that we fear pain in our lives is what I call Loss Pain. Loss pain is, If I change my life or I do this new thing I’ll experience loss and because I experience loss I don’t want to do it, So I’m scared to try it because I might lose something that I care for if I go and make that big change in my life I might lose my job I might lose my relationship with my spouse I might lose my connection with my kids I might lose a passion I might lose a benefit right.
I remember I wanted to go and start my own business everyone was generating all this fear and you might think we’ll be careful you know this is very dangerous but if you don’t want to quit your job and lose all that security you have I mean all these things we think we’re gonna fear and the reality was part of that was true as I thought more about the situation I was concerned I was fearful that I would lose the security I had. I would lose that steady paycheck we all want I would lose that predictability of my career path I would lose that nice process of having managers around to kind of coach and consult me into higher levels of performance I would lose the peer set I love my co-workers I lose some of the work that I loved I would lose that great lunch and cafeteria you know it’s like you think of all these thing you’re gonna lose so you don’t make a decision to quit same thing like people are going to try and quit smoking or they’re going to try and start a diet they’re fearful that they’re gonna lose that smoking break that gives them that peace and that comfort and that that sense of calmness from breathing in deep even though they’re bringing in death you know they’re fearful.
If I change my diet I’m gonna lose those foods that I love so much so I’m not gonna change and that’s what people do they’re fearing loss. So part of reorienting our lives you start focusing on the things that instead we’re gonna lose but we’re gonna gain, Yeah I might lose my security for the short term but over long term I might have more freedom, I might gain freedom, I might lose that coaching and that person who’s gonna develop me in terms of that organizational structure. But over here I’m going to gain greater challenges, I’m gonna grow faster because I’m gonna be doing things faster on my own and I’m gonna make a million dollars over here.
Concentrating on those games, See what happens in the fearful mind it starts asking this question what if and it follows that phrase with a negative statement “What if this terrible thing happens” and we generate, we stew within our gut these acids and these fears that literally trick our mind into thinking we can’t change but once you understand loss pain is something you’re dealing with, Start focusing more on the things that you will gain and you’re getting over a hurdle.
The second thing that we fear so much is what I call Process Pain. Process pain is changing in anything. It’s going to be hard and the process of change itself is hard, Let alone what will lose doing something new is hard.
This process is scary so we don’t change, The same thing for that person who thinks of quitting smoking they’re not thinking of the freedom of quitting smoking and living healthier, they’re not thinking of being able to breathe and get up the stairs. The process of dealing with quitting the addiction that withdrawals the frustration, the shakes, the addictions, the nicotine and how challenging that is. The person trying to start the new diet it’s the same thing for them Process Pain they’re thinking “oh my gosh I’m gonna have to go shop in new shopping places to get fresher food”, “oh my gosh I’m gonna have to learn to cook new meals”, “oh my gosh I’m gonna have to start exercising” and “oh how hard is that gonna be. We think of all the things that are gonna be hard in doing those things but part of the mastery of life is learning to see change as a game learning, To see challenges as something that we can joyously enter to become the joyous master in the processes of our lives, To understand yes they might be challenging but challenge is good to challenge. Challenge will develop us, the challenge will help us reach our highest-self, the challenge will help us live that fully-charged life. It can be engaging, fun, exciting and new. It can bring variety and spice into the lives we can look forward to the process of change and when we switch our mind that way we start to change more often.
The third thing that most people are actually fearing is what I call Outcome Pain. They’re scared that what if they lose all these things in changing, what if they go through all this terrifying difficult work and then the grass is not greener, the outcome is no better than I had at the very beginning and I was terrified with my business. We sit and we think what if it’s not better, I would have to go through all that, If we’re stuck there thinking and if we never change. So part of the maturity and the mastery of life is realizing that instead of focusing on the outcomes that are negative. We can start thinking, dreaming, visualizing and really giving our attention and powers of attraction into those things that would be powerful, good and satisfying. On the other side of that fence the things that would turn out to be wonderful and magnificent if we change their life. If I quit the smoking I’m finally going to be able to feel good again, I’m not gonna have to be addictive to some small little thing that’s killing millions of people and that’s just feeding these huge organizations that are killing people over and over again, I’m not gonna perpetuate a disease in my body or in my family, I’m not gonna make my everybody carry on my addictions And in that new area too I’m gonna feel fit, happy, vibrant and energized on my own again.
You will start thinking about all the things that will be positive from that change, When you do that you start to master your mind and direct it better because you know that when you’re obsessing about loss pain, process pain and outcome pain, The more you focus on those the more you obsess about those types of pain. Your brain and your body say don’t do that I don’t want to experience that Because we built and we’ve been gifted with this incredible contraption. That is unbelievably driven to avoid the pain and when you realize that then we have to stop suffering in our mind and stewing in our mind about the pain, We might experience if we do the very things that would improve our lives, You and I both know what would improve our lives why aren’t we doing it because somewhere we’ve probably associated a lot of lost process or outcome pain to it, And today might be a great day to sit down and say what do I really want in my life, Why have I not been progressing faster and when you start exploring that question, You might discover loss process and pain at work and you’re gonna flip it now and focusing on the gains the joys and the positive outcomes. When you start to do that you’ll find yourself being that joyous master. Getting further ahead in life and you might just find that life can feel fully charged once again.
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